ASKING:
Assalamu'alaikum, Ustadz.
Ustadz, I am an Indonesian migrant worker who is currently working in Hong Kong. Qadarullah, right now I am in a tragedy: I am in debt.
What I want to ask here is because of this debt my husband changed, Ustadz. He often got angry with me and often said harshly, when I confided in him, he invited him to deliberate. In fact, I did this debt for his needs.
It's been three months we have been fighting almost every day. He always brings up my mistakes, as if I never got it right, Ustadz.
Whenever we fight, I always apologize. But the more I come here, the less respect I get as his wife. One bit, always sweared, all the harsh words he spat.
If I file for divorce, can I, Ustadz? What should I do?
Thank you, Ustadz.
Salam,
Fulanah
ANSWER:
Wa'alaikumussalam warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.
A husband is angry and likes to bring up the mistakes of his wife, there could be things that motivate the husband to do this. It would be wise, if the wife could ask, from heart to heart, what actually made the husband so easily vented his anger.
If the source of the problem is debt, it needs to be asked, why should it be a problem, if the debt is also for family needs. As long as the debt is measured within the corridor of the wife's ability to pay it, we still work and have an income.
Debt is a problem, if the method of obtaining it is not clean and the allocation is also not efficient. Plus, not having careful planning to pay for it. That is why debt must be written down and the ability to pay it is properly measured.
If the above matters are fulfilled, it means that it is not because debt is the main trigger why the husband is so irritable. It could be that there are other things, there are other problems that bother him, so that must be explained, and the wife helps to find a way out.
Here the role of the wife is needed. Don't rush into getting divorced. Although it is permissible, God is angry with those who are divorced. Makruh the law.
Moreover, there are children who will definitely become victims if their parents are impatient. Apart from children, there are both parents and in-laws who are definitely embarrassed to have children whose households are messy. So the talk and gossip of neighbors that are not awake is verbal.
The character of a Muslim or Muslimah thinks carefully before acting and deciding. Always adhere to the principle of goodness and benefit for all, not for personal and temporary needs. Moreover, it is not rational enough because it is too emotional.
First check ourselves, is there something wrong, are there the rights of the husband that have not been fulfilled, so that the husband can be that angry.
Allahua'lam.
(Answered by: Ustadz Imam Alfaruq, SEI, ME)
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