10 etiquette of talking to other people
Peace, mercy and blessings of God
Ustadz, I want to ask a question.
How do we behave or how we talk when sitting with someone who is very smart? Suppose our boss, our lecturers, or our teachers? And, what if we sit with people who (sorry to say) are still lay?
Thank you, Ustadz.
Greetings, Fulanah
ANSWER:
ليكم السلام الله ات
Bismillah… Islam teaches its people to be good at maintaining etiquette, especially in talking to other people. Whether it's to people who are older, the same age, even those who are still small.
Likewise, the way we talk to people with different levels of knowledge, of course, is different in how we talk to people who are broad and knowledgeable such as teachers, lecturers, ustadz, or our kyai or with people who have little knowledge or layman.
Allah Subhanahu wata'ala says:
لَّا مِّن لَّا مَعْرُوفٍ لَٰحٍۭ لنَّاسِ لْ لِكَ اتِ للَّهِ نُؤْتِيهِ ا ا
"There is no good in their many secret talks, except the secret talk of those who tell (people) to give charity, or do good, or make peace between people. Whoever does this seeking the pleasure of Allah, we will give him a great reward.” (Surat an-Nisa': 114)
Then, how are our manners of speaking with people who are more pious or our teachers or with people who are more laymen? Actually, there is not much difference between the etiquette of talking to one of the two. We'll just explain a few points later. Among others are:
First, start talking with a greeting. The Prophet sallallaahu 'alaihi wasallam said:
الكَلامِ لَ السَّلامِ لا (رواه الطبراني )
"Whoever begins to speak before (saying) greetings, then do not answer." (HR Tabrani & Abu Na'im).
Second, speak nicely or be silent. The Prophet sallallaahu 'alaihi wasallam said:
انَ اللَّهِ الْيَوْمِ الآخِرِ، لْيَقُلْ ا لِيَصْمُتْ (رواه البخاري لم)
"Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him speak good or remain silent." (Narrated by Bukhari Muslim)
Third, Use the appropriate words to the person being spoken to. From Ibn Mas'ud radiyallahu 'anhu said:
ا ا ا لاَ لُغُهُ لُهُمْ؛ لاَّ انَ لِبَعْضِهِمْ (رواه لم)
"You do not talk to a people with a conversation that their minds do not reach, but there will be a fitnah for some of them." (Muslim)
Talking to pious people, please ask about a science that we do not understand even in scientific language, because they are experts. However, speaking to ordinary people, it must be adjusted to their level of knowledge and experience, so as not to be offended or difficult to understand.
Fourth, speak the language in moderation, not in many words. The Prophet sallallaahu 'alaihi wasallam said:
اللَّهَ لَكُمْ لاَثًا: لَ الَ، اعَةَ الْمَالِ، السُّؤَال (رواه البخاري لم)
"Indeed, Allah hates three things against you: speech, wasting wealth, and asking too many questions." (Narrated by Bukhari Muslim)
Fifth, avoid debate even if it is true. The Prophet sallallaahu 'alaihi wasallam said:
ا الْجَنَّةِ لِمَنْ الْمِرَاءَ كَانَ ا (رواه اود الترمذي)
"I guarantee a house on the edge of Paradise for the one who abandons the argument even though he is right." (HR Abu Dawud & Tirmidhi)
If you leave a debate with the teacher, it is a good character because you respect him. Anything to avoid it with ordinary people is so that there will be no greater slander by misunderstandings, and so on.
Sixth, speak slowly (but surely), and not too fast. It was narrated by Aisha radiyallahu 'anha, she said:
النَّبِيَّ لى الله ليه لم انَ حَدِيثًا لَوْ الْعَادُّ لأَحْصَاهُ (رواه البخاري)
"Indeed, the Prophet sallallaahu'alaihi wasallam (if) spoke, if someone who counted (his words) were counted, then of course he would be able to count it." (Bukhari)
So, even ordinary people will not be confused by our words.
Seventh, lower the tone of speech so that it is not too high or loud. Allah Subhanahu wata'ala says:
لۡأَصۡوَ لَصَوۡتُ لۡحَمِیرِ {لقمان: }
“And be simple in walking and soften your voice. Verily, the worst sound is the voice of a donkey.” {Surat Luqman: 19}
Eighth, repeat important words. It was narrated by a friend of Anas bin Malik radiyallahu 'anhu, that the Prophet sallallaahu 'alaihi wasallam said:
انَ ا لَّمَ لِمَةٍ ادَهَا لاَثًا (رواه البخاري)
"When he spoke a (important) word, he repeated it three times." (Bukhari)
This can be very beneficial to the layman as it makes it easier for him to understand.
Ninth, listen carefully without interrupting the conversation.
Tenth, cover and keep secret things. The Prophet sallallaahu 'alaihi wasallam said:
حفص بن اصم ال: ال ل الله لى الله ليه لم المرء ا ل ا (رواه لم)
From Hafsh bin 'Ashim said, Rasulullah shalallahu 'alaihi wasallam said: "It is enough for a person to be considered a liar if he says everything he hears". (HR. Muslim)
Hope it works!
Wallâhu a'lam bish-showâb.
Peace, mercy and blessings of God
(Answered by: Ustadz Very Setiyawan, Lc., S.Pd.I., MH)
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