DDHK. ORG – Revenge is something that is torturous and unpleasant. Then how to get rid of resentment towards biological mother and stepfather after so many years?
Peace be upon you, and Allah's mercy and blessings.
chaplain please your advice. The chronology of my problem is like this. When I was little, my father had died. Meanwhile, mothers remarry without their children's knowledge with the reason that they can send their children to school, but mothers also do not fulfill their rights and obligations towards their children.
Long story short, it's been more than 30 years since I harbored a very deep heartache towards my stepfather and biological mother. But we have made peace. Ask for advice and advice so that the grudge against me will disappear Ustadz, I am always plagued by mistakes and sins against my parents.
Thanks.
Greetings, Fulanah
ANSWER:
Peace be upon you and God's mercy and blessings be upon you
WL…
Keluarga Whole and harmonious is the dream of everyone who builds a household especially for a child who needs attention and affection from his parents.
However, there are times when fate says differently, the household bill is hampered and even sunk by divorce or the death of one or both parents. So that custody of children is not maximized or even neglected.
The Ulama are of the opinion that parental rights successively fall into the hands of the mother, the mother's mother, and so on up to the top on condition that they are the child's heirs.
This means that if the mother ignores custody of her child, then the one who takes care of the child is her family, the family here is the family in a straight line up and down to the third degree, such as the child's grandfather, parents' younger siblings and so on.
After that it is the father, the father's mother, the father's mother's mother, and so on up to the top with the condition that they are the heirs too.
Next are relatives from the mother's side and followed by relatives from the father.
But remember, parents should take care of their children as much as possible until adulthood even if the parents remarry to someone else. Because if you ignore it, of course this is an tyranny against children which can result in hurt feelings so that there is a feeling of anger and even revenge on the child.
However, forgiving other people's mistakes, especially parents, is a very noble and recommended thing. Allah Subhanahu wata'ala says:
وَجَزَ ٰۤؤُا۟ سَیِّئَةࣲ سَیِّئَةࣱ مِّثۡلُهَاۖ فَمَنۡ عَفَا وَأَصۡلَحَ فَأَجۡرُهُۥ عَلَى ٱللَّهِۚ إِنَّهُۥ لَا یُحِبُّ ٱلظَّـٰلِمِینَ {سورة الشورى: ٤٠}
"And the recompense of an evil is a commensurate crime, but whoever forgives & does good (to those who do evil), then the reward is from Allah. Truly, He does not like the wrongdoers." {Asy-Shura: 40}
If there is still a feeling of anger or resentment because of the irresponsible treatment of parents towards children, then please make lots of forgiveness to Allah Subhãnahu wata'ala or by reciting prayers such as:
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"O Allah, forgive my sins, dampen the wrath of my heart, and protect me from the influence of satan."
Another practice that can get rid of anger and resentment is taking lots of refuge in Allah Subhanahu wata'ala by reading lots of ta'awwudz.
Narrated from Sulaiman bin Shurad radliyãllahu 'anhu, said: “I sat with the Prophet _shallallãhu 'alaihi wasallam, and there were two men insulting each other, one of them had a red face and swollen jugular vein. Then the Prophet sallallãhu 'alaihi wasallam said:
“Actually, I really know one sentence that if he said, what he found (his anger) would have disappeared. If he said:
أَعُوذُ بِاللهِ مِن الشَّيْطَانِ
really lost what he found (his anger)."
So the friends said,
'Indeed the Prophet shallallãhu alaihi wasallam said:'
“Ask Allah for protection from satan!”
The (angry) person instead replied: “Am I crazy?! (Narrated by Bukhari Muslim)
Hope it is useful…
Peace, mercy and blessings of God
Answered by Ustadz Very Setiawan.
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